It’s been quiet around here since the beginning of the new year, partly because aging bones mean fair weather fishing and it’s the middle of winter (or at least that’s the line being towed). Behind the scenes, however, the cast of Adventures in Fly-Fishing Retail has had their agents negotiating with the producers, the producers renegotiating with the sponsors, and most of the support crew bailing for Honduras. And we’re now happy to report that nobody is happy (except the folks headed to the tropics in January), but the show must go on.
The first episode of season two brought us to the International Sportsmen’s Exposition, where Tucker “Ask Jimmy Because I Just Work Here” Ladd bribed a handful of union delegates for four-hundred square feet of show space steps away from the casting pond. It wasn’t until management put a team of moderately sauced long-distance casters on deck, the primary goal being knocking passersby senseless with Meat Whistles before selling them two mortgage payments worth of 50 cent Idylwilde flies did the competition begin voicing complaints.
Nonetheless, promotions such as buy a Trout’s Fly Fishing-branded oilskin cap at retail price and we’ll throw in a Sage Xi3 absolutely free were very popular. Jim “What Do Your Numbers Look Like Right This Moment” Kanda, in conjunction with Simms representative Michael White, had the team working the latest in flyfish marketing brilliance, herein after referred to as Simms For Life. Ostensibly, you buy twelve sets of G4 zippered waders, ranging in size from Kid’s Small Short to Adult XXL King for each of your children, and we’d start a college savings plan in their name funded with Andrew Grillos‘s hopper patterns. Your kids will grow into each size of waders in time (particularly so if they adopt the fly-fishing lifestyle, which includes consuming massive quantities of burritos and seasonal microbrew), and many of Grillos’s flies will eventually wind up next to Andy Warhol prints, ensuring your progeny a ride through Harvard even with the present inflation rate.
Flyshop defacto owner Whitney “I’m The Boss And He Knows It” Chichester made several appearances at the show, and while the future Mrs. Ladd’s primary responsibility was keeping the wheels of commerce properly lubricated (with contraband Miller Light), she spent most of her time reminding yours truly what a piss poor salesman I must be if I can’t pawn a 0wt and a click-pawl reel off on someone headed billfishing next month. As well as drinking most of the beer.
Meanwhile, we had a special guest appearance at the show by Tim “My Wife Really Doesn’t Want Me Hanging Out Here” Marek. He reminisced about his past life in guiding to any customer that would listen, and even sold them a small Thingamabobber.
Which assistant manager Rick “Sure Hope They Don’t Act Like This In New Orleans” Mikesell said he quoted the wrong price on.
MG signing off (to lounge on the couch while someone else tears down that booth)