Simple responses to Top Ten Blogger Lies

Hugh Macleod of gapingvoid posted his version of the “top ten blogger lies” as well as his alter-ego’s response to the bullshit. Despite the on target commentary, I just couldn’t hold back from responding, if only to let my readership (meager as it may be) know where I stand on the matters..

1. I don’t consider myself an A-Lister.

The gapingvoid response: No, but I turn up for speaking gigs at all the big conferences anyway. Uh-huh.

michael’s response: I’m not even in the alphabet, so no speaking engagements is a forgone conclusion.

2. I don’t care about traffic.

The gapingvoid response: Of course I don’t. Even though I’m a freelance consultant, and my blog is my primary way of marketing myself. Rock on.

michael’s response: Please hold for a second while I log in to Urchin……..waiting……..waiting…….ok, I’m back. Vitriolic commentary outlining the stupidity of Fortune 500 companies is not going to get anyone a consulting engagement. Please hold for another second while I log in to Urchin……

3. I’ve read your blog.

The gapingvoid response: Yeah, well I read the “Musings of an unemployed tech consultant” bit on the title bar, before clicking off. That counts.

michael’s response: I am looking for an unemployed tech consultant (as long as they know Perl). And I’m not kidding either.

4. I started blogging back in 1999.

The gapingvoid response: Of course, back in 1999 a Flash-animated, brochureware homepage was considered a blog. Kinda sorta.

michael’s response: Everyone started blogging in 1999, which is why their PageRanks are now 0.

5. My blog has no commercial agenda.

The gapingvoid response: I’m far too sexy to care about money. Exactly.

michael’s response: I’m one ugly bastard – please click on my ads!

6. I only have advertising on my blog as an experiment.

The gapingvoid response: That explains why the adstrip is right under the “Musings of an unemployed tech consultant” bit. Indeed.

michael’s response: It is an “experiment” because you don’t want to have to show anyone your crappy click-through stats.

7. I’ve never liked the unegalitarian term, “A-Lister”.

The gapingvoid response: Even though I am one. Oh, the irony.

michael’s response: Everyone has an equal chance at online success. It just that some do nothing but “parrot” other’s thinking (like most political blogs), or spend too much time kissing ass so they can get an underpaid government appointment (like most political blogs).

8. I’m proud to be a D-Lister.

The gapingvoid response: Even though I spend 7 hours a day writing the thing. Right.

michael’s response: I spend about 20 minutes a day on Thought Market. The rest of the time, I am logging into Urchin.

9. He’s a big hero of mine.

The gapingvoid response: He’s got more traffic than downtown Mexico City and I’m hoping to God he links to me one day.

michael’s response: I only link to you if you have something important to say, and your last name is Godin, Anderson, Cuban, Calacanis, Peters, Searls, Ito, Malik, or Kedrosky.

10. I really admire what she’s doing for the blogosphere.

The gapingvoid response: I’ve noticed that she’s currently single.

michael’s response: Do you have her number?

Comments

Ha! Very good. Cheers.

-Hugh

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