‘Best Job in the World’ description suspiciously missing fish population data and fly gear needs

michaeltheclimber-sm

No worries – you aren’t getting the job anyway

The Gist

The Queensland, Australia tourism board is offering to plant one lucky applicant on an island in the Great Barrier Reef chain for six months, and pay a cool $105,000 for doing so. Your general job description is to lay around, swim, dive, etc., and you’ll probably have a satellite up/down link so you can blog about it too.

Suspiciously missing from the job description is much mention of the fly fishing opportunities, or whether there is going to be a closet full of shiny new graphite and titanium waiting for you when you get there. I’m gonna tell you the bad news before the really bad news – there aren’t too many of these swimming around, but if you have a pile of 13-15 weights I think there are still a few black marlin records to be broken. Now for the really bad news (for you, at least)…

watchforcrocs

Why You Need Not Apply

The answer to the above is simple – you’re swimming with the crocs (i.e. you won’t get the job). Reason? I am the most qualified!

First and foremost, I’m much better looking than you are. If that isn’t enough, I grew up in a tropical locale so I’m intimately familiar with the concept of warm ocean breezes, sand between my toes, as well as how to pass off pink umbrellas in my pints. On that note, I can drink more beer than you without falling down, a skill that was refined where else….ta da….in Australia!

Yep – I once lived there, and I’ve still got the old work visa to prove it. The government literally begged me to stay, including bribing me with a lifetime supply of Coopers Ale (little did they know XXXX was my favorite…hear that Queensland…wink wink). Parliament wanted to add another holiday to the national schedule, Michael Gracie Day, which was to precede both Christmas and Boxing Day. I was asked to captain the favored boat on the Sydney to Hobart race, even though I don’t know how to sail. The powers that be gave me an honorary Advanced Open Water Diver certification and then sent me to the Coral Sea on the QE II. I climbed Uluru (translation for losers: Ayers Rock) in thirty minutes flat, babysat at the local wombat rescue shelter, and wrestled reptilian monsters on Lizard Island. Hell…my best friends in the US are fricken Australians. They may not admit it, but they missed me so much they followed me back here – I might as well exchange passports now.

Conclusion

I know precisely what ‘flat out like a lizard drinking’ means and you don’t – a friendly reminder to you to call the unemployment office because this gig is mine.

Out with the old office view
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In with the new
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And did I mention the bonefish are hard to come by?

Editor’s note: that whole there’s no fly fishing to be had meme is a ruse – I’m just trying to discourage you because the job application server is running slow. But you have to admit…I’m a walking talking travel agency ad, eh?

Comments

Craig Berg says:

Yes I missed you so much I couldn’t wait to get to the US so I could hear you yell insults and bark instructions at me whilst on the river. I’m hoping once you get to the island Flipper will turn up and start giving you the same Sh$%t you give me
😉 ……. not to mention a few of the worlds most deadly sea snakes, stone fish and portuguese man ‘o’ wars ….. btw thanks for the shot of the Sydney skyline … that used to be my office view from the building immediately on the right of the picture.

What building were you in…? We were across from Edwards? Pub.

Craig Berg says:

AAMI Building top floor … 99 Walker St

Damn…141 Walker Street is the pic location.

Mandianne says:

If anyone deserves to be put on a deserted island to frolic with beautiful, and at times rather deadly, creatures .. it’s Michael! 🙂 He’s the only American I know who a) likes vegemite (no really, he actually eats and isn’t just being polite) and b) also had a canny appreciation of Aussie humour and mateship, ie., if we’re taking the mickey, it means we like you. Let’s just say he’s well liked!

And here I was crying myself to sleep every night.

Katrina Bart says:

Yep, Michael, you definitely deserve the job! I agree with Mandianne – you’re an American who gets our humour! And I can honestly say that having met you at Mandi’s!!!! Not sure about the fly fishing…. but lots of other lovely deadly creatures in our wonderful Great Barrier Reef!!!! At the moment Australia has a shark influx and they’re attacking all over the place!!!! Three people in one week!! Woohoo, hence I don’t swim…… Can’t believe you like Vegemite!!!!
Katrina

Yes Michael seems to have the qualification-he will be a good ambassader to Australia and will inspire those Americans to come & check it out what we have to offer here-besides all that lots of open spaces/no overcrowding/lush rainforest/great food & friendly natives Aussies

Katrina: And you were dining with us on designated “take it easy on each other because there are guests around” night. Hope all’s well. PS: Sharks are for catching (although I’m not sure what rod or fly would be suitable for big whites).

Indie: Did I mention the prime minister invited me for dinner once? Good thing I didn’t, as that would be stretching it even more than the above mentioned yarns!

yes Michael I do remember that the PM invited you to dinner of course you were in the middle of somewhere!!

corey says:

You can’t move uncle MG! I’m pretty sure Beas will crawl into your suitcase and hide so he can go with you. Who will come over to our house and talk about Tim Tebow all day, re-enact every fly fishing moment from the weekend, and relive his glory days when he was the star linebacker, ran a sub 4 minute mile, and had the entire cheerleading team knocking on his door.

Indie: I was!

Corey: This is true – I really shouldn’t be so selfish.

Craig W says:

Michael, I’ve met you once when I visited Denver and I could not but think that everyone else knows you there deserved 6 month off with you relegated like a convict to a deserted island in the most beautiful part of the world…. you have the personality fitting for the task and I know that, like those little fish you like catching up in the mountain streams, the somewhat larger white sharks will love taking a nip at your ankles…. and what better press for the Queensland government! “Killer shark leaves American caretaker footloose and fancy free…the new bastion for adventure tourism”…. Wasn’t Lara Bingle available? She looks better in a wetsuit…… But seriously, if indeed your application can be taken seriously, then you of all the American lads I know deserve this gig. But, remember that Vegemite is a worldwide conspiracy… Australian’s dont like it – they just want everyone to THINK they like it, so they will eat it themselves and then regret it…. so, GOOD LUCK – you won’t need it of course as I hear that Lara’s starting price for 6 months was about $5M, $2.5M a piece.

Craig – If Lara pays me $50 AUS a week and takes over pool cleaning duties, I might let her stay with me. Oh…and she brings the beer.

So Michael did you make it to OZ
do drop in the shop to check us out

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