Secrets of a serious fly fishing competitor revealed!

Hooking a fish with a very long, flimsy bamboo fiberglass graphite pole, using a piece of animal hair for bait, and then cranking it in with a reel that has no gear ratio? Fly fishing is very serious business, and competition only makes it more so. But fly fishing is still a sport of sharing – sharing the great outdoors with all of Mother Earth’s creatures, as well as exchanging flies, techniques, and if all goes well, some good stories too.

In the spirit of sharing, I’ve decided to disclose how I’m gearing up for this weekend’s Teva Mountain Games 2-Fly Xtreme competition – in other words, how I’m going to hand all the competition their hats…


1 ) Fly selection – big flies make for big fish (and I’ll bet no trout in Colorado has ever seen a 4/0 hook either).

2 ) G. Loomis GLX 12-weight – faster that Speed Racer, and more accurate that Superman’s x-ray eyes in a pasties-required strip club.

3 ) Hawaiian print knock-off, weight forward edition – good for blending in to the surroundings (and the large belly aids in distance casting).

4 ) Lucchese 1883 Mad Dogs – soft and supple goat skin keeps wader booties from tearing (and lack of cleats keeps ‘fly fishing ambassadors’ from crying over scratched rocks).

5 ) Black cape – you cannot even hope to get into the party without a cape and a mask (budget constraints forced leaving out the mask).

6 ) Tibor Gulfstream – very large arbor makes up for the lack of gear ratios in high-priced fly reels (as if there was anything but).

7 ) Bottle of Dos Gusano – quite possibly the finest tequila on Earth (for making your fellow competitors sick for days)

8 ) Wide brim hat – for Xtreme glare protection (doubles as fly patch and automotive wax applicator)

9 ) Impact resistant glasses in hi-vis shooter yellow – because you never know who or what you might run into while fly fishing with a bottle of tequila in your front pocket.

MG signing off (to fall down in a bar in Vail)

Editor’s note: The colossal and amazing diagram you see above is also available in a larger than life (and larger than screen saver) 2304 X 3072 pixel version, absolutely free! Don’t miss this amazing offer – download it right now here.


hilarious. this is a riot.

James says:

Damn dude, it looks like I just lost my top spot as badass bitch.

You rock GANGSTA!

Servers are backed from all the downloads!

The Professor says:

Go get’em cowboy

that ain’t right.

The cape flies, but you don’t have the legs for those shorts and boots. Just saying.

Next time I’ll go bare-footed and bare-assed. But where to put the bottle…?

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