The antithesis of an online fly-fishing report

According to FFRS (Fly-fishing Report Standards) Section 8614, all weblog-based fly-fishing reports must contain the following:

1) A brief introduction with dates, times, and people participating on the trip;

2) Details of waters fished, and flies used, including accurate data regarding flows and temperature, and fly color and size;

3) Use of simile and metaphor to draw the reader into the experience;

4) Descriptions of fish caught, including breed, size (length and girth measurements), and general appearance;

5) “Hero shot” photos;

6) Use of the words slaughter, marauder, or killing should be avoided whenever possible;

7) “Smack talking” should also be avoided so as to not alienate the reader.

You got all that? Ok, here we go…

The Report

I fished four waters this last weekend – a big tailwater, a small freestone, a large freestone, and a private pond. You probably didn’t, and I don’t feel the least bit sorry for you either.

I provided a little advice here and there, and everyone I was with caught fish. I, however, beat the living crap out of fish. We fished big stuff down low, small stuff down low, double dries, and dry droppers. I crushed fish no matter the technique.

I got a few pictures of compadres, but no hero shots. Many of the fish were too fricken big to hold out for the camera, and since I fished a noodle of a rod the whole time the fights were extended – I pretty much unhooked, revived and released using FFRS designated “ASAP” guidelines. I’ve got a number of witnesses to the events, but in some cases they had to sign confidentiality agreements ahead of time – so they may or may not choose to validate my summary. But, we all had a great time – that point is undeniable.

MG signing off (to conform to specifications)

Comments

so what you’re trying to tell us is that you’ve got skillz now?

Pulease…all I’m trying to say is that I’m on a serious lucky streak. Again.

ok, wouldn’t want you to get too headstrong now…

Remember Gracie, no picture= no fish! and I’m positive its all luck because your skills are poor or non existent!