A total lunar eclipse in a thousand words or less

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Unfortunately my camera sucks. Mountain Standard Time applicable in all circumstances.

11:25 PM – There is moisture high, and it casts a hazy ring around the subject. Concentric circles of light blue, moving to faded yellow, surround the sphere. Facing directly south, the moon seems to have been thumped lightly on its side at about 80 degrees east. And I stole all these words off a link from the Huffington Post, just so you know.

11:40 PM – The poor old moon has clearly suffered from NASA’s recent experiments, misdirected aim at finding water on the rock that they were. Its eastern face is now chiseled away, and the devastation continues by the moment. More horrific, everyone knows nobody could ever land on the moon, let alone harvest its resources. A friendly reminder of the farce hangs in my office.

11:55 PM – The scribe grows drowsy, despite a belly-full of Lucky Charms reserved for observational sustenance*. Its just a lunar eclipse – they happen all the time. Why stay up? Ok, maybe this one is kind of unique, seeing as it’s happening on winter solstice. But I’ll live another four hundred sum-odd years to see the next one, now that I’ve got “free” health care coming, right?

11:57 PM – The moon now reminds me of that flat tire I had while I was out on that date with, uh, what was her name? It was so damn long ago I can’t remember. Or maybe it looks more like that Percocet I took a bite out of before handing it to, uh, damn…what’s her name? Ah, I remember now! The moon looks like my nose, right after I asked her to, umm…uh…umm…I think I need a teleprompter.

12:10 AM – This is Hollywood work, plain and simple. When ever there is some type of natural looking phenomena at play, you can bet George Lucas has something to do with it. Industrial Light and Magic has been behind every visually esthetic caper of the past two decades. The moon is half gone, and I’ll bet Darth Vader just blew it up for fun. Or was it Kim Jung Il? It’s certain that staying up after midnight, with boatloads of work on the plate the week of Christmas, isn’t such a gag.

12:15 AM – Did I mention the moon is half gone? It’s kind of like the US dollar’s value. Compared to yesterday.

12:18 AM – More than half gone now, which means just one thing: your suffering is more than half over along with it.

12:20 AM – The part of the moon that Paul Krugman bit off in a fit of anger over Julius Genachowski’s proposal that the New York Times cancel his internet column has now taken on a bit of a reddish hue. Like I said, anger. Just goes to prove that the moon isn’t so bad after all.

12:33 AM – There is just a sliver of the moon left. It kind of reminds me of that sliver of pie that will be left for everyone else after I volunteer for dish duty right after Christmas dinner. We’re doing a bring-your-own-favorite-dish this year. I’m going super classy with beef franks, sliced American, and Hormel chili over enriched bun. I never understood what they meant by “enriched” though, other than the fact that chili dogs certainly enrich waistlines.

12:50 AM – The moon is completely gone – all that remains is this red orb. Frankly, I think it looks quite lovely. I’ll bet that if the moon could pull this off around Valentine’s Day everyone would get laid. Even me. On second thought, maybe that’s pushing it a little.

12:59 AM – Nothing to see here folks (like I said, my camera sucks), so please move along.

MG signing off (to copyright the term “observational sustenance”)


n.taylor says:

FYI the next lunar eclipse on the winter solstice will happen in 2094. With free healthcare I’m guessing you and I will both make it to see another. Cheers.

And here I was thinking we’d have to wait as long as we did for this one. That’s online journalism for ya! But since it’s only 80 or so years to go, let’s party like rock stars – I mean full-on bodily abuse, so we get some value out of those “free” services (right now all I do is pay premium).

a bevy of snowflakes and a low ceiling prevented my view of the eclipse. Looks like I’ll be joining you in 2094 too. Who’s bringing the Hurricane High Gravity?

Mandianne says:

That red moon was in the sign of gemini (my moon sign) and steering around Sagittarius (my rising sign) … and I slept through it! Glad you stayed up to document proceedings.

Well at least we know why your house is haunted. 😉

Smithhammer says:

It was all killer, no filler. Best solstice eclipse I’ve seen in a long time.

No surprise that Smithzilla has seen more than one solstice eclipse. Guess it takes lots of time to acquire all that wisdom though.

This is possibly your best post ever. And thats saying a lot. hahahahaha

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