Hanging on the front door this morning

This…

Along with a letter from the Drake Satellite Editorial Office:

Dear Drake Subscriber (AKA Michael Gracie),

It has come to our attention via numerous sources (wiretaps, etc.) that you have been unsatisfied with the delivery interval in which you receive our esteemed fly fishing publication. While we here at The Drake are committed to providing you with the goods, we must remind you of an important element of etiquette, as well as several points of fact.

First, bitching about your subscription delivery should be performed within the confines of The Drake Forums. We provide this online venue specifically for that purpose. Second, you are, despite intermittent reports to the contrary, a piss poor angler, hardly worthy to complain about other’s work. Then again, you are also too much of a girly-man to join our forum, now aren’t you?

Please accept this copy of The Drake, and recognize you are the first subscriber in the continental US to receive the Summer 2011 issue. However, be forewarned: anything but glowing reviews of this edition will be met with harsh consequences.

Regards,

The Drake Editorial Staff

PS: Unless you are too dumb to figure it out (a likely scenario), we know where you live. So keep the pie hole shut.

MG signing off (to set up a laser-powered perimeter alarm system)

Comments

Kyle says:

Haha! That’s awesome. I haven’t got mine, maybe I should complain more.

That’s the key to building a fruitful existence, lots of complaining!

You better set up those lasers far enough away from the house to be out of spey rod range.

May just dig a moat and fill it with sharks. With fricken laser beams on their heads.

n.taylor says:

Drake eh? I won’t start looking for mine until at least July.

Paying for people to be bad at their job is just something I can’t do, hence the recent cancellation.

I’ll have you know that I take being bad at my job very seriously.

Regardless, 4 times a year, The Drake delivers. Imposing too much of a strict timeline on exactly when it comes out it is really kind of a buzzkill. Consider it one of those all-too-rare intangibles of the modern age and embrace the mystery.

I thought getting my mail sent to a box would alleviate situations such as this. Since there is way too much Kamchatka talk nowadays, I’m figuring the Drake staff is just an offshoot of the KGB.

n.taylor says:

They are never late delivering to the fly shop and now I get mine when Gracie gets his.

WindKnot says:

Years ago I ordered my first ever copies of the Drake online (after voraciously devouring a buddies copy I found in his pickup). After many months of ignoring my mailbox–watched pot and so on–I logged on to the aforementioned forum and bitched. There may have been a response but I never revisited the site to check–waaaay to creepy and naval-gazing. Instead I sent a series of emails to someone named Heather (an obvious alias). Here was the eventual outcome as summed up by this letter-to-the-editor that they eventually published (due, no doubt, to lack of actual material and to fill space between the unreadable, pixelized ads). Enjoy.

“Hi,
I’d just first like to say way to go on a sweet, sweet mag. I’m stuck in Ohio and instead of marshalling what little sanity I have left, your mag has given me the opportunity to go to my “happy place”.

Second, thanks for sending me (at last count) 2 free issues… though I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a blessing from an otherwise stingy universe. In fact, I was quite conflicted about this letter, reasoning that perhaps I shouldn’t mess with a good thing. Just curious, though. Were these a simple oversight or a thanks for taking about 2 months to get my backissues (which was what I originally ordered) out to me? Either way, consider this an official thank you.

In return you’ll find a link to the Drake’s website on my site: http://www.fish-bones.com. Senior Bie and Smithhammer will also find a few of their choice quotes sprinkled throughout.

Tight lines,
Davin Ebanks
Thankless, bitchy Bonefisher stuck in Ohio.”