Tag: Australia

‘Best Job in the World’ description suspiciously missing fish population data and fly gear needs


No worries – you aren’t getting the job anyway

The Gist

The Queensland, Australia tourism board is offering to plant one lucky applicant on an island in the Great Barrier Reef chain for six months, and pay a cool $105,000 for doing so. Your general job description is to lay around, swim, dive, etc., and you’ll probably have a satellite up/down link so you can blog about it too.

Suspiciously missing from the job description is much mention of the fly fishing opportunities, or whether there is going to be a closet full of shiny new graphite and titanium waiting for you when you get there. I’m gonna tell you the bad news before the really bad news – there aren’t too many of these swimming around, but if you have a pile of 13-15 weights I think there are still a few black marlin records to be broken. Now for the really bad news (for you, at least)…


Why You Need Not Apply

The answer to the above is simple – you’re swimming with the crocs (i.e. you won’t get the job). Reason? I am the most qualified!

First and foremost, I’m much better looking than you are. If that isn’t enough, I grew up in a tropical locale so I’m intimately familiar with the concept of warm ocean breezes, sand between my toes, as well as how to pass off pink umbrellas in my pints. On that note, I can drink more beer than you without falling down, a skill that was refined where else….ta da….in Australia!

Yep – I once lived there, and I’ve still got the old work visa to prove it. The government literally begged me to stay, including bribing me with a lifetime supply of Coopers Ale (little did they know XXXX was my favorite…hear that Queensland…wink wink). Parliament wanted to add another holiday to the national schedule, Michael Gracie Day, which was to precede both Christmas and Boxing Day. I was asked to captain the favored boat on the Sydney to Hobart race, even though I don’t know how to sail. The powers that be gave me an honorary Advanced Open Water Diver certification and then sent me to the Coral Sea on the QE II. I climbed Uluru (translation for losers: Ayers Rock) in thirty minutes flat, babysat at the local wombat rescue shelter, and wrestled reptilian monsters on Lizard Island. Hell…my best friends in the US are fricken Australians. They may not admit it, but they missed me so much they followed me back here – I might as well exchange passports now.


I know precisely what ‘flat out like a lizard drinking’ means and you don’t – a friendly reminder to you to call the unemployment office because this gig is mine.

Out with the old office view

In with the new

And did I mention the bonefish are hard to come by?

Editor’s note: that whole there’s no fly fishing to be had meme is a ruse – I’m just trying to discourage you because the job application server is running slow. But you have to admit…I’m a walking talking travel agency ad, eh?

Australians start a national blacklist

The Australian Government has just released an anti-spam plugin for Outlook/Express that allows users to auto-delete spam and simultaneously report it to a central database.

Can you imagine all the jaded lover harassment email, falsely portrayed as a note regarding tax evasion, that is going to wind up in that thing?

Australians hammer their first spammer

It is hard to tell how effective spam laws are, as you don’t hear much about prosecutions for their violation. I suspect the reason is that such events are few and far between. Case in point: Australia just nailed the first spammer under their law – one that has been in place for a few years now.

It took the US a little over a year to nab their first spammer under CAN-SPAM. The bust resulted in a settlement that some would consider a bit weak.

A law without teeth is hardly a law at all. How tough do you have to get to stop the nonsense?

“Banning” malware, and a whole lot more

This isn’t a new idea: ban infected computers from the net. Some Australian ISPs have already done this with zombied computers, and the FTC has pushed for the same.

It is not a bad idea. In fact, I think it is a damn good one, no matter what Microsoft says. Put the responsibility for safe computing in the hands of the user, much like the responsibility one has when behind the wheel. If you are somehow infected through carelessness (or flat out ineptitude), you can continue your work, just within the confines of your Linksys router instead of my hard drive.

Australia gets tough on spyware

This post could just have aptly been titled “Australia Gets Tough on Internet Crooks,” as we already know they are tough on spammers. Cripes, even the ISPs down under are hammering spam.

Back to the subject at hand..uh, that was spyware, right?

Australian spammer raided

The Australian Communications Authority is pulling no punches in the war on spam. Recently, they fined an online car broker for picking phone numbers out of the classified ads and SMS spamming them all (see SMS Spammer Pleads Unfairness), and now they have executed a raid on a big operation in Perth.

Regarding: “It is already beginning”

With regard to my comment yesterday on housing prices “already beginning” to correct, here is a report from across the pond: Guardian Unlimited Money | News_ | House prices fell in December.

Note that interest rates in the UK crossed the trough before those in the US. Rates started climbing in Australia round about the same time, and the lines at open houses Down Under have long since disappeared. Also keep in mind that the UK is densely populated, and is loaded with real estate speculators (those buying properties with no intention of moving in and/or investing in developments), much like many of the areas in the US which have see the biggest price increases. Those speculators will go running for cover first. Then the games begin.

I may be way off base, but these three countries (the UK, Australia, and the US), have something else in common too, trade deficits. Wealth being sucked out of the systems, some (like the US) at an alarming rate. With price driven by indebtedness, and liquidity on shrink, I say…

Welcome to the global economy.